Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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