I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
