If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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