Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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