Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
the day after is always just damage control
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
