Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
