Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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