were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
