I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
