Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
