i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Sext me about skeletons
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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