Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
