i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I just want nice things and good sex
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
