I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
