Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I deserve to be covered in dicks
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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