So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
