The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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