I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
