I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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