So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
