He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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