My room smells like vodka and shame
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
