I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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