Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
