If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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