That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
