Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
