having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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