you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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