Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
