she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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