My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Randomize
