I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
