Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
