the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
