Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
