No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
