if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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