the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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