I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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