Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
