Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
He felt like a one man threesome
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
