saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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