I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
