This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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