Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
