it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
