FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
