the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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