the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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