worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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