At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
